Thinking Without Her

I am here with my injured leg wrapped up and my car nowhere to be seen. I want to get up and start walking away from the nightmare that lays beside me but I can’t just leave her here like this I have a thought of burying but I have no shavol to dig a whole.

Then I am reminded by looking at her that I couldn’t save the only person I loved the least I could do is this.

I try to get up on my feet I stumble for the first few attempts but eventually I walk to the field and start digging a whole with my hands the process is slow but it’s working, while I am dig my hands start cramping and these thoughts keep coming to my mind about how I couldn’t save her, about I weak I was in that moment and while these thoughts keep clotting my mind I chip one of my nails and let out a shout and fall to my back breathing heavily one more thought come to my mind.

Being a guy with suicidal tendencies I never regretted any of the attempts of taking my life till I met her with her, with her I was afraid what if in once of those attempts I would have died, I would’ve never seen her, I never would’ve met her, I never would’ve known what it’s like to have a person love you but now that I think of it this day 28th February would have never happened.

After 3 hours of digging, chipped 3 of my nails, hands cramped I am finally done digging. 

I grab the body and place it in grave and in last look at her everything that just happened rushes back to me, every way I could have avoided this or saved her. I start covering up the grave and it happened faster then I expected, once I am done I apologise for today or for anything I might have done wrong in the past.

I soon start walking down the road and soon I see a car coming I furiously start waving my hands and the car stops.

The guy roles down his window and asks me what happened to and that I look like shit, he seems as tall as me, healthy and had glasses on.

 I ask him if he could take me to the nearest police station, he agrees I get in his car and he starts driving.

Like after 15 minutes of nothing but silence he tell me to hand him a drink from his back seat, I turn to the back seat and as I am getting the drink from the box a black hood catches my eye which says pinky on it same as the person who was standing in front of the medical was wearing.

I turn ahead I hand him his drink which he opens up with one hand and a creepy smile on his face.

To be continued 


She Shot Herself 

If you have clicked on the link I sent you, do me a favour and read the whole thing.
We are in the process of loading the car, me and love of my life. Black hair, height around 5.5 and small eyes (just like me). It’s been 4 months since we are together and our 5 month anniversary is 3 day away, so we decided go on a small vacation for like a week or so.

I head back in the house to check if I didn’t forget anything, I check the hall room and now heading to check the bedroom.

Nothing left everything needed is packed and we are ready to leave, as I turn around to leave the bedroom I she her standing at the door with a smile on her face. I know that, that smile means I am doomed. She rashes towards me to tickle but me being the 6 foot man I am I push her to the right on the bed and start tickling her as well. This goes on for a while, we almost tickle each other to death.

We both are lying on the bed gasping for air and I look at her and the thoughts of how lucky I am that I met her rushes my mind, soon enough she looks at me we both smile at each other and share a kiss in the excitement of the trip and what the future might be like and the plans we made.

We head to the car I put on my necklace, my seat belt, start the car and we are off to a long drive and the best time I could have with her. As we are driving by a medical which is close to our house, outside the medical (sunny medical) I see someone with a hood on which said picky on it, I couldn’t figure out if It was a guy or a girl but something was off about that person, I try to ignore him/her and drive past but something felt off about that person. 

Soon we were out of the city, as around us was just empty roads and long corn fields. As I was about what the first thing we’ll do once we get there, she was watching the video that I made for her a month ago in January.

It’s been a long drive till the point that I started  have the feeling that we are lost but I decide to keep it to myself as I didn’t want her to worry about it. As I am thinking what to do something running across the road and into the field catches my eye and while I was looking at what it was my tire pops and I have stop the car. This isn’t right there is nobody on this road and the thing I saw running into the field and it’s almost night.

We both clue less what to do, we try using our phone but no network soon I notice the date on my phone 28th Feb the time is past 12:00. 

We spend around half and hour in the car and soon I look out the rare view mirror I see a lady walking towards us, I am somewhat relaxed but I try to look around and I see no other car, so where did she come from ?

She reaches our window I roll down and I see her face properly and I freez for a while, she looks exactly like her, exactly my girlfriend we both are in a state of  shock.

She tells us to get out of the car as according to her we can’t get help here we’ll have to walk.

We both look at each other and we know that she has a point but we don’t know and the uncomforting fact that she looks exactly like her like identical twins.

We get out of the car and I notice the girl is wearing a black tee with a golden spotted design on it and ripped jeans and a bag, she tell us that there is a small town up ahead and tells us to walk ahead so we do as we don’t want to make any conversation with her.

We take a few steps ahead the girl in black whips out a gun from her bag pushes me ahead and hits my girlfriend across the shoulder with the back hand of the gun bruising her arm and she falls on her knees, I run back to protect her but the girl in black point the gun to my girlfriend head so I stop she threatens to shoot if I move I freez I get down on my knees as well and start asking what do you want from us she says car keys, mobile whatever the fuck is in your pockets and as soon as she says that I empty out my pockets and I beg to her not to shoot and she looks at me smiles, even the fuckin smile is same as her but she was nothing like her.

The girls in black say ” don’t worry I promise shooting her is next to impossible for me” a weird sense of relaxation enter my body and I take a deep breath and ask her “so what do- ” as I am half way through my sentence I hear the gun shot as I was facing the group I hope she fired it in the air but this blood streams down to my knees I slowly get myself to look up as the girl in black is still smiling at me and smoke exists her gun and she is on the floor blood streaming everywhere.

I am still on my knees but unable to do anything just looking at her dead body refusing to believe so. The girl in black walks up to keeps her hand on my shoulder, I snap shout ” WHY?” Get up on my feet and hold her by the neck trying to chock her, she shoots my leg and I fall back on the ground and walks up to me leans over and say “it’s the only way Aakash” I wanted to say or shout no but was in too much pain, she follows it up by saying “all this was just a distraction Aakash” as soon as she finishes saying that she picks up the key and wherever there was when I emptied out my pockets and then walks up to her body removes the necklace  from her neck and throws it off into the field. I faint after that and when I wake up my car is no where to be seen, my leg wound is wrapped with a tee and her lifeless body is still here.

to be continued.

Chapter 4: Best time or worst mistakes 

2013 – 2017
Here we are the end, well at least till now.
Once I left Ryan I was taken into jamnabai narsee school in the N.I.O.S board, which mean it wasn’t as big of a deal as I showed it to be and we had just 5 subjects that too of my choosing. 
Well in J.N.S I was in a of 14, so there was no group division as we were just 14 people, I made good friends there like Priya, Mannat, Sherman, Shaheen,  karan, etc. So thanks to them my last year in school was pretty fucking awesome.

I started making friends in my building Chinmay, Vikas, etc and soon I had to move out of that area lucky for me the place I was moving to wasn’t that far off.
Siddhi hights, for around 4 months I use to go to my old building and avoid the people here, till the new year party of siddhi hights that day I met people like Pratik, Aditya, Kritika, Sahil, Tina, Shraddha, etc.

I had a thought that maybe I should start playing with these people but it was just a thought that I never put to use.

Till May, from May onwards I started hanging out with them and was introduced to some more people.

But in that building I can’t tell if I had the best time ever or not as fell back in the same flow of having no one to share to, whom I can trust.

While all these things were going on I kept all the thing I had been through to myself but tried opening up to just one person and now I am here sharing half ass stories online.

2016, while people complain that it was one of the worst year, for me it’s was the best year well at least the end of it.

2017, yet nothing to say that it was a good year.

Thanks for reading 

S.N- college friends are special enough that they will get their own blog 😂

Chapter 3:happy for a while 

2009- 2013
This is when I was called back to dubai to live with my parents.

At that time I should have been happy to see my parents after so long but I wasn’t couldn’t feel any kind of joy.

In the airplane I noticed that I was more excited to see dubai rather then to actually see my parents, I realised that just because they broke the promise and my trust back then I could never actually trust them again.

I would doubt everything they said or every action they took.
Once I landed in U.A.E, I noticed that the dubai airport was much more pretty and well maintained that it looked like a damn shopping mall more then a airport.

I walk out the airport, in this huge crowed I see my mum and behind her my paa with a trolley filled with toys and I am still standing there frozen think to myself that I should be happy seeing them they are my parents after all but everytime I am reminded of what I went through in India for those 3 years.

I kept it to myself what pain I went through, I thought to myself that well now i am here without my relatives or those bullies in school, I should just enjoy myself.
Soon I joined a school named Indian excellent and I was afraid that I’ll go through the exact same experience I went through in Ryan, Indian excellent was divided into to different sections girls and boys and lucky me my experience in Indian excellent was quite nice, in the mid terms I had already made 2 friends and I use to go out with my family every night.

It was fun dubai was really fun for about a year then because of issues I was sent to India again with my relatives again and back to fucking Ryan
At this I had no motives, I had nothing I was just going through what shit life was throwing at me.
Soon even my family moved to India, we moved many houses and I continued my studies in Ryan till 9th grade at the end of 9th I was kicked out of Ryan (yay).

Thank you for reading

– Aakash

Treating her

With this blog you might agree or might not but this is what I think.

This is what I learnt from my surroundings and stuff.
Girls in a relationship need to be treated like they don’t mean anything in the guys life, like they are not even on there list of priorities.

Treat them like side missions in a game which you don’t pay any attention to.
Now I am well aware that this is wrong but I have seen girls running behind guys that don’t give a fuck about them.
Now if someone asks you how to get girls, tell them 

“Easy, treat them like shit, talk she behind her back, flirt with other girls while in a relationship and them dump her. I bet even tho you dumped her she will still be crazy behind you. 

And you can’t make a girl understand that she is wrong.
Never try that cause you’ll end up being the bad guy in that situation. 
On offence to the girls reading this as this is not directed to all the girls. I guess 

Chapter 2: learning process 

Here I am in India

With nothing other than my thoughts, nervousness, a broken promise and two relatives.
My mom’s sister and her daughter, at first sight they seem okay, nice and harmless but once you get to know them, you realise that they are just one of many two – faced people that live in India.

They hated me as me and my brother were boys and she had a daughter and they also thought that why all of a sudden I was made their responsibility.
Good thinking.
Soon I joined a school 

Ryan international school.
Welcome to Ryan,

This is where teacher won’t even remember you if you don’t score above 70% in your exams and tests. Where students love to beat up or harass lesser and small children. Lucky for me I was the only one in the class small or dumb enough to bully.
I was knew that I was below average or that I was bad a studies but I wanted to learn, even I wanted to get along with other students, make friends instead I got ignored by the teachers and bullied by other students.
These kid were way past over name calling 

Beating up, stealing lunch money is what they did, where already my aunt wasn’t kind enough to give me food, 5 bucks is what I use to get and they stole it from me everyday for 4 years.

Too fucking small and dumb to fight back or do anything.
So bullies at school and bullies at home with very limited contact with my parents and my brother.
Although I have to thank my relatives and Ryan international school for teaching me that nobody is wroth trusting.
The problem being that later on I still made the same mistake.
Thank you For reading 

And I am extremely sorry for my grammar.

Chapter 1 : what promises are worth 


Well I was 5 back then, used to stay in dubai with my paa, mum and my smaller brother. As a kid I was pretty much coolest kid there could be, made friends pretty easily used to talk a lot. 
I have had this problem of thinking to much.

I have a thought which leads to another thought and eventually the thoughts keep getting worse and I fall asleep.

Well once I had a dream in which my parents had died and I was alone, scared with my brother. Pretty fucked up dream to have at the age of 5.

Well I was depressed I didn’t talk the whole day, didn’t tell my mum stories of what happened at school today. The thought just kept bothering me, eventually my parents though they should take me to a mall just to cheer me up, so they did for a brief amount of time I was happy but the thought didn’t leave my mind.
Later that day I told my parents what dream I had and why I was so depressed. That day they promised me that they’ll never leave me.
A month later I was sent to India alone to live with my relatives my aunt and her daughter and my parents my brother in dubai. 

Sure they had their reasons but it made me think are promises really worth anything or just some shit you say to asure the person in front of you.
Fucking promises right😂😂