Thinking Without Her

I am here with my injured leg wrapped up and my car nowhere to be seen. I want to get up and start walking away from the nightmare that lays beside me but I can’t just leave her here like this I have a thought of burying but I have no shavol to dig a whole.

Then I am reminded by looking at her that I couldn’t save the only person I loved the least I could do is this.

I try to get up on my feet I stumble for the first few attempts but eventually I walk to the field and start digging a whole with my hands the process is slow but it’s working, while I am dig my hands start cramping and these thoughts keep coming to my mind about how I couldn’t save her, about I weak I was in that moment and while these thoughts keep clotting my mind I chip one of my nails and let out a shout and fall to my back breathing heavily one more thought come to my mind.

Being a guy with suicidal tendencies I never regretted any of the attempts of taking my life till I met her with her, with her I was afraid what if in once of those attempts I would have died, I would’ve never seen her, I never would’ve met her, I never would’ve known what it’s like to have a person love you but now that I think of it this day 28th February would have never happened.

After 3 hours of digging, chipped 3 of my nails, hands cramped I am finally done digging. 

I grab the body and place it in grave and in last look at her everything that just happened rushes back to me, every way I could have avoided this or saved her. I start covering up the grave and it happened faster then I expected, once I am done I apologise for today or for anything I might have done wrong in the past.

I soon start walking down the road and soon I see a car coming I furiously start waving my hands and the car stops.

The guy roles down his window and asks me what happened to and that I look like shit, he seems as tall as me, healthy and had glasses on.

 I ask him if he could take me to the nearest police station, he agrees I get in his car and he starts driving.

Like after 15 minutes of nothing but silence he tell me to hand him a drink from his back seat, I turn to the back seat and as I am getting the drink from the box a black hood catches my eye which says pinky on it same as the person who was standing in front of the medical was wearing.

I turn ahead I hand him his drink which he opens up with one hand and a creepy smile on his face.

To be continued 


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